Beatrice’s head was ringing; she looked visibly tired and felt a heavy fatigue. The thumping becoming increasingly louder and disorientating. She tried to position herself on the sofa in the lounge, but this seemingly easy task had at this moment become quite a challenge, she felt extremely light headed. Beatrice held her hand back, hoping to hold on to something for balance. She felt the cold and grainy surface of the wall, took a step backwards so that her back was against it and with some balance, slid herself down to the ground. In trying to catch her breath in between muffled sobs, Beatrice caught a taste of the salty tears that were rolling down her once bright and plump but now noticeably dehydrated stress-induced skin.
“Why the fuck are you crying you dumb bitch?” a loud voice shattered. Beatrice’s sobs increased and she curled herself into a ball, not wanting to stare at her boyfriend Isaac who had just walked in.
Isaac looked at Beatrice with disgust: “I’ve told you already that if you do not get that modelling casting role, me and you are done”.
This is what Beatrice had been dealing with over the past year. Beatrice remained curled up on the floor, wondering when exactly Isaac changed into the monster that he is today displaying. Beatrice remembered how when they first met, he had fallen in love with her beauty and her humbleness. He had liked that she was not arrogant and was also intrigued by her ambitions of wanting to become a model. Beatrice had truly thought that they would together journey through both the highs and lows of life; but she sadly soon realised that Isaac’s view of life was completely centred around his self-absorption and anything outside of it, was completely irrelevant to him.
Beatrice’s reality has of recent been filled with constant negativity; mostly caused by the arguments triggered by the unmet expectations in Isaacs mind as to how she should be living her life.
Beatrice remained on the floor sobbing. She did not dare look up or say a word. She had come to learn that Isaac does not know how to listen; and should he be listening to what she says, he had a habit of selectively picking uttered words and creating a whole new narrative from it. Beatrice had learnt it best to stay quiet and suppress her thoughts because they were never welcomed within Isaac’s self-absorbed reality.
Beatrice had become a shell of herself and she knew it. She had lost the fire in her eyes and the joyful leap in her walk was gone. Her famous head-turning smile had lost its authenticity; and in its place, was a tight lipped facade. She had become isolated from friends and family and no longer really knew who she was, versus who Isaac wanted her to be. Beatrice hated Isaac’s approach and that he was adding pressure to her life path instead of prompting and supporting her whilst also giving her the grace to blossom at the right time. Beatrice was further distressed by the notion that Isaac had openly expressed that he would be unable to continue to love her and be with her, unless she became the idealised woman that he had pre-envisioned for her.
Not only were his standards and timeframes unrealistic, but it was beginning to affect Beatrice’s mental and physical health. To the extent that Isaac would often compare Beatrice to her counterparts in the industry, blaming her for not having been casted for the big commercial roles.
This is all in spite of Isaac knowing fully well that Beatrice had lost her passion for modelling and as of now would prefer to be behind the scenes focusing on styling models. The latter, being the cause to her whole distress and relationship turbulence
To be continued.